jackson gregory

our due date was march 29, which came and went with little excitement. i had a doctor's appointment the next day. i was dilated about 3-4cm but hadn't been feeling any contractions as i progressed and, although we hoped i'd go into labor on my own, they scheduled an induction for monday evening, april 4.

during the weekend i still felt no contractions or really any sign that labor would start soon. i contacted the hospital monday afternoon to confirm the induction and was told that they did not have room to take me at that time and they would call me early tuesday morning to see if we could go then. we proceeded to play phone tag with the hospital morning about every four hours. it felt like the longest 48 hours of my life. john had taken off work starting that monday afternoon since we thought we'd be meeting our baby that night! as we waited we did as much as possible to keep ourselves distracted - hung out with friends, went to see a movie, tried to induce labor on its own ;)

finally on wednesday morning i received a call around 9am letting us know they could take us - like, now - and how soon could we get there? i had just gotten out of the shower so i told them we would get ready as quickly as possible, grab a "last meal" for me and be on our way!

if only i'd known how much i'd grow to dislike this bed after a few days in it!

we arrived at the hospital around noon and got settled in to our room. it was a bit strange, having time to set up my essential oil diffuser and music speaker and make things comfortable in the room without having to work through contractions. they performed a cervical check on me and i was still around 4cm dilated. we had originally been told the plan would be to break my water and hope contractions started on their own, the doctor at the hospital decided i would be started on pitocin to get them going. i was very hesitant about this change of plans, as i'd been hoping to not have a medicated birth. but as there was no guarantee that my body would go into labor simply from breaking my water (we were already 8 days overdue at this point and i had not felt any contractions) and this would put us on a timeline to a c-section if it didn't happen, i went ahead with the pitocin.

 thank you, SAL, for the comfy socks! they style well with the hospital gown (;

they started the pitocin around 2pm and for the next 4-5 hours not much changed. my dose was increased every 45 minutes or so. finally around 7pm or so i started feeling some decent contractions. here we go, we thought. after about an hour, our nurse came in and asked if i wanted to go to the bathroom as this can sometimes help with the intensity of the contractions. i said yes and off i went with my pitocin cart. our nurse was right; it did help - to the point of not feeling any contractions again. this was extremely frustrating as i felt like we'd wasted hours.

they kept increasing my pitocin til around 1030 when the doctor decided that as it was highly unlikely i would give birth in the next several hours i would get some morphine to help me sleep. they would also continue increasing the pitocin a few more times then stop it for an hour and restart it at half the dosage. this all was very hard mentally; why couldn't my body just do what it was supposed to?

for the next few hours i drifted in and out of sleep as the nurse came in to check my vitals. around 3 or 4 am the morphine started to wear off and i was starting to feel contractions again. i labored from then until about 7am. over those hours the contractions progressed, becoming more intense and closer together. since it had taken so long to go from 4cm to 5cm i guessed i was maybe around 7cm at this point. the pain was intense and i asked john to call for the nurse. i'd decided that if the pain was going to just keep increasing, i was going to want an epidural.

my doctor came in a bit later in the morning; she was at the hospital but there for surgeries so she wouldn't be able to deliver my baby but wanted to stop in to see how i was doing. one of the things i like about her is that she is very friendly and likes to chat. however, when you're 9cm dilated and unmedicated the last thing you want to do is talk! i remember just kind of grunting at her in between contractions as she tried to make conversation.

my water still hadn't broken by this point and she asked if i wanted her to break it. my contractions were pretty much all consuming at this point and all i could think was - you're the doctor. you've done this plenty of times; you tell me! fortunately john was on the same page as me and told her that she should do what she thought best. so a couple minutes later, my water was broken.

shortly after this i began to feel the urge to push. i again had john call for the nurse. we told the nurse what i was feeling and she called for the doctor and the rest of the labor "team." they examined my progress and found that there was a tiny lip left and basically told me i needed to keep laboring. at this point i had no doubt my body was telling me to push. one of the medical staff suggested i try pushing and she would see if she could move what she needed to out of the way using my pushing to help. i agreed and sure enough, one push and my body was there.

i pushed for about an hour, john holding one leg and our nurse the other. hearing his reactions as my body pushed out our baby was an emotional experience and also gave me the encouragement i needed as i neared the end of this pregnancy and labor. it was an excruciating hour but we finally got to the point where they told me one big push and this could be it. a contraction came and i gave it everything i had in me. and at 10:05am, jackson gregory beckler breathed his first breath.

april 7, 2016

8lb 8oz

22 inches

and a full head of hair

they immediately held him up for me to see him and then placed him on my chest. it's hard to put into words what seeing and touching the life you grew and carried inside you for 9 months feels like. i was finally holding our baby boy. my perfect, little family of 3.